Saturday, May 17, 2014

a letter.

Lately, I have began teaching flute lessons. I have played the flute since I was ten (twelve years!), so I thought it would be an okay thing for me to do. A girl who attends my local church asked me if I would teach her, and I was more than happy to help.
Today, she gave me this letter.

I only thought to share it with all of you... she is possibly one of the sweetest girls I have ever come into contact with.
(▰˘◡˘▰)

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

ten things that smell nice.

I have a confession to make: I have a small obsession with things that "smell good." In fact, I tend to judge everything based on how it smells, whether it be lotion, shampoo, clothing (if it doesn't smell nice in the store, I will never ever buy it), food, etc. And this can be a bit of a problem. I will literally stand in an aisle and smell things five or six times before I can decide if I like it enough to buy it (I always wonder... do people ever watch me when I do this? I probably look quite interesting smelling one thing, and then going back to it a half dozen times). It's also a problem when it comes to food. If I don't like the smell of something, I cannot bring myself to eat it. Although, it's not that big of a problem for alcohol. I cannot stand the smell of it, so I will probably never drink it. I'm certain that that is not a bad thing.
Along with my scent obsession, I am a fiercely loyal girl. Once I have discovered something that I very much enjoy, I have a difficult time not using it time after time again. Here is my compiled list of my most favorite things that I use almost everyday. 


10. Peppermint
For the past several years, my mother has been very much into this holistic healing thing, and she has a small army of this little, tiny bottles full of the most toxic smelling oils that she insists smell amazing. It has taken some time, but I have become quite used to the majority of them (due to her shoving her wrists in my face after she has applied bizarre combinations of these oils on her skin). For the most part, I most certainly do not enjoy the smell of them, but I have learned to tolerate them (and if you just so happen to be curious, I do agree that they do help in healing... I just don't have to like the smell of them, right?). 
Peppermint is, hands down, the most wonderful oil that she has bought. It aids in digestion, and it most certainly smells delightful. Oh, and it makes your breath smell good too!


9. Herbal Essences' Split End Defense Creme
When if comes to my hair, I try my best not to be cheap. However, I am a poor person, so I kind of have no choice. So, drugstore products it is, and in case you were curious, Herbal Essences stuff smells amazing, and it is really kind to you hair (to my knowledge, most of it is natural... as you can get anyway. They also have just recently released a line of shampoo/conditioner products that are all sulfate free! Woohoo! In case you're curious, they also smell nice). This stuff treats and heals your hair, and it smells like pomegranate goodness. It's very, very lovely.


8. Pixi Glow Tonic
This toner I bought online. I had been wanting to start using toner, but I have always been kind of weary as to what product I should use.I decided on this one literally just because it's name is "Glow Tonic." My goodness, how could you possibly go wrong with something that says your skin is going to glow in its name? Also, it's alcohol free (ugh, the smell of alcohol), so I thought I would give it a try. When I first opened it, I stuck my nose right to the opening... and cringed. Oh boy, not suggested. The smell of this stuff can be really overwhelming in large doses.
This stuff smells a bit "old lady florally," but not necessarily in a bad way.. then again, I kind of like the "old lady" smell. Old ladies are wonderful, delightful people, and I enjoy spending time with them. Their smell brings about good memories. That's probably why I enjoy the smell of this Glow Tonic so much.


7. Sunscreen
If you do not have some sort of fondness for the scent of sunscreen, I am most convinced that you have no heart. Just opening a bottle should bring you back to wonderful summer memories. However, I probably smell sunscreen on a much more regular basis than the average person (despite it being suggested that you apply it like 48974098 times a day because the sun is your enemy). My father is sort of like a freelance worker and he spends obscene amounts of time outside doing who knows what for work. Also, I live in a place that it is known for sunshine (the most northern part of the Mojave desert... wonderful). To be honest, during the summer, I think he bathes in sunscreen. But you know, whatever it takes to prevent skin cancer is great. I would prefer my father to not get skin cancer, you know. 
Also, I am really, really white and pale, and I burn really easily. I have to put a good deal of it on myself as well.


6. The original Dove scent
I have to apologize, my deodorant is currently the only thing that I have that is the original Dove scent right now. Anyway, I feel this one is quite self explanatory... No matter what Dove product you get, you probably will not go wrong with the scent. The original is my favorite though (I have a feel that when I'm old, this will be my "old person" smell... I'm sorry future posterity. I hope you enjoy it).


5. Vaseline Lotion (pure oat extract)
When we first moved here, I began noticing things drying out. First, it was the cork at the top of my flute falling out (which was a horrifying experience. I am emotionally scarred from this. Oh dear). And next was my skin. Ugh, my poor skin. And I am not a big fan of the feeling of lotion. At first, I just used Bath and Body Work's lotion, but that was very, very expensive (remember, I'm poor). It did smell great though. This was my second try.
It smells really natural and clean. Also, the lotion itself isn't too heavy and oily. I can apply this stuff first thing in the morning, and it works all day long. At first, I was not a big fan of the smell (this was one of those things I spent probably three hours in Walmart smelling every single one of their body lotions before I could decide on one that I actually liked), but it has really grown on me. A lot. In fact, I can tell the days I forget to put it on not by the lack of lotion feeling and dry skin, but because I can't smell it.


4. Febreze Air Effects, Rain
I had quite the traumatic experience when I was in college and living with roommates that involved smell (not the good ones), and from that, I became obsessed with these things. My favorite scent tends to change with the season (they release new scents seasonally. This is great and awful at the same time. If you fall in love with a seasonal scent, you have to stock up on it, or else you will never ever find it again. Also, if you don't like any of their scents that season, they will never release it again, and have new ones next year. Also, they have regular scents too... I cannot see much downside to these things. I love them so much okay). 
This particular scent is my current favorite, and is unfortunately a seasonal scent. It smells very clean, and a little bit like soap. It makes me feel nice and healthy. I hope they release one like this again next year.


3. Coffee
I spent some time debating if I should included food scents on this list. Coffee isn't really food though, right? And you can enjoy the scent without actually ever having it!
Anyway, I'm quite addicted to these things, so I thought to show it off a little. I like my coffee iced and my tea hot. Is that strange? 


2. Sky by B&BW
Remember when I told you that I loved the smell of Bath and Body Works, but can't afford it because I'm poor? Well, I sometimes do splurge. What is the fun in life if you never splurge? Actually, I bought this when they were having a one day sale on their mists. It was $5.00, and I wish I had bought ten of them because I love this smell so much. All the bottle tells you is that is it smells like violets and lilies, so you will have to trust me on this one when I tell you that this is easily, hands down, the best signature collection product that B&BW has ever released. It's worth a trip to the mall just to smell this one guys. Go do it and enjoy.


1.B&BW Sleep in Lavender Vanilla
If you have not taken note by now, I have a thing for B&BW. This, I must confess, is a splurge, but a needed one, but it lasts quite some time. I only buy one of these bottles every four to five months, so I say it's quite worth it. This is the last thing I smell before I fall asleep at night, and the first thing I smell when I wake up in the morning. They say that lavender is the most relaxing scent, and I cannot confirm if this is right or wrong, but I can tell you that I very much dearly enjoy this scent. It reminds me of my favorite thing, sleep. What could be wrong with that?






Thursday, May 8, 2014

i hate the summer//mix thursday.


It might seem strange and over dramatic for me to say, but I cannot stand the summer. It's easily the worst thing that has ever happened to me (not summer in general, but summer here. In St. George). This past weekend, we already started seeing our highs in the mid 90s, and this is only just the beginning. Obviously we are not the hottest place in the nation, but it's just... I do not take to heat well. Only thinking about it brings horrible memories of sweat rolling down the back of my legs and sticky, hot flesh (gross). I am feeling sick thinking about this summer (I'm that person who takes the weather personally).
I don't know how I am going to make it through another summer.
Sometimes romanticizing things makes it better. I'm not sure if it's going to work this time though.


1. Day Off by Freelance Whales
2. Durban Skies by Bastille
3. I Need You by Kim Sunggyu
4. Strawberry Swing by Frank Ocean
5. Found You Out by Sir Sly
6. Rookie by Sakanaction 
7. Wild #2 by Royal Teeth
8. Let Life Be (feat. Taka from ONE OK ROCK) by Ally & Diaz
9. Away FRM U by Ooberhofer
10. Past Lives by Parade
11. Miracle by Ghost Beach
12. Rum Hee by Shugo Tokumaru

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

i have spent enough time on this earth to be considered an adult.


(i live in the world of dr. seuss maybe)

For the past few weeks, I have been sitting on the thought of being an adult (in the most literal sense possible, I assure you). It has come to a point in my life in which I feel like I absolutely must make some decisions on what I should do with time. For the past twentytwo years, I have played, worked, and have been depressed. It was two years ago this month in which I was formally diagnosed with both depression and anxiety (general, but I suffer from social anxiety quite a bit). At the time, I dropped out of school (with an associates degree, so I guess I graduated. To be honest, it feels much more like I dropped out though), and then proceeded to lay around my house for the next six months doing nothing but doing my best to blend into the couch like I didn't exist.
Naturally, I am leaving out many details, such as my three months I spent going to counseling and the ever consistent pressure I got from my father to "get a job." I graduated the former, and accomplished the latter. I began working at a small business called Jumpin' Jacks, an indoor, inflatable playground for all ages. I decided this seemed like the perfect place to get back on my feet. I had to deal with people (which would help me overcome my social anxiety), and I would be making money (albeit slightly over minimum wage). It was/is part time, and I hate it. Mainly because it's work. This turned out to be my first lesson in adulthood; work sucks and nobody likes it, but we all have to do it.
A year and a half has passed since then. In this time I have decided not to return to school. I tried twice actually. Last Spring semester, I began the pre-elementary education, and thanks to my EDUC 1010 teacher, I was completely turned off by the entire idea of becoming a teacher. I tried again to go back to school this spring semester, but I did not receive any financial aid money other than loans. I already am in loan debt, so I would rather not accumulate any more.
However, all I have known in my life is going to school. So, what is there to do when you are no longer attending it? What is this magical thing that I am lacking that will finally, at last, transform me into an "adult?" (For the record, I am almost positive that philosophically questioning myself publicly on my own blog probably isn't it).
I must apologize in advance, but this post has no real solution to my problem, and I personally cannot fathom a solution either (I just have found myself writing in circles).To be completely honest, the only things that I even want to do with life is to be pretty and to listen to a lot of good music. I'm horribly shallow in this way, but I don't see this as being an entirely bad thing. However, how do these things formulate for me to being an adult? They probably don't, but I find this my only path to follow for the time being.
As so, this is the way I will be going. It's probably not the best way, but you won't ever go anywhere unless you pick a way to go.

i blend in with the rocks in my backyard.